Helping Parents and Teens Cope with a Loss to Suicide

Losing a child is an extremely painful thing for a parent to experience. Losing them to suicide is even harder. There is a lot of outrage and agony involved. Some of that might always be a part of you though not at its extreme. With the skills of a grief therapist and help from places like the SPTS there are places you can turn to for help in healing. Here are some things to focus on.

1. Remember that as much as you are in, you are not the only one grieving. Other family members, friends, siblings and so on are also suffering. It is easy to withdraw so you do not have to deal with your pain and other people’s, but there might be people that need you right now as hard as that is. Even if you are sitting in silence, sit together in silence. When you do not know what to say, don’t say anything, hold their hands, let them hold you.
2. Avoid letting yourself and your immediate family become isolated. Sometimes people might not come around because they just do not know what to say and they think you might not want to talk or have people there. But even when it is uncomfortable accept people coming over and talk to people on the phone. You can look at a suicide prevention charity for further advice.
3. Accept those feelings of guilt, it is completely normal to feel that and to question how it is possible. But you might not get all those questions answered and you need to find peace with that for yourself and those around you. This is the best way you can then learn to forgive them for doing it.
4. Important days tend to be tougher, especially the first ones, birthdays, anniversaries etc, so find a way to prepare for that and let yourself feel what you need to feel. Don’t place pressure on yourself with too high expectations that can make things worse.
5. Find help. There is more than one opportunity you can take when it comes to getting help and guidance. SPTS, support groups, counseling and so on. Choose as many as you can.

How to help youths who need to deal with losing a friend or sibling to suicide

• Acknowledge their emotions, often they feel guilty that they listened to their friend or sibling have problems or go through something and did not do what was necessary to stop them. Sometimes they might be really angry. They might accuse them of being selfish. Even if they say they don’t feel anything then just be there and tell them it is okay.
• It is important to push past the discomfort people have about talking about suicide. If they really do not want to talk to you then suggest a suicide prevention charity or another resource where they can get some support. It is important they feel connected to people at this time. Some schools will address the suicide if it was a child at the school and there will be resources like counselors on offer the teen can turn to.

Marsha Martin